he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Randomize
