I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
