you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
