Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I love you. Go after that dick
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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