I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
