she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
