:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
