So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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