She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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