oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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