Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
