i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
