we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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