They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
