Rock
Scissors
Fuck
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
