listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
