dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
