can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
