Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
