Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
