Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
