I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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