toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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