I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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