Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
