I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
i've created a new STD.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
