Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
