im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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