To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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