singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
