pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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