Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
