Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
