I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
