at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
