Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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