Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
