I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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