best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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