I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
