They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
