woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
