thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
