The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
