6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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