doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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