I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
