I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
