Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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