it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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