Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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