he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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