how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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