I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
