My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
