I forgot how hot balto sounded
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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