this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm at about main and main street
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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