i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We are two peas in an std pod
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
